Ugly Truths

If you want to know the truth, you probably don’t. Because once you do, you can’t go back to not knowing. And they say ignorance is bliss for a reason, because it really is sometimes. It’s easy to love the people around you when you don’t know the things they’re hiding. Easier to go on about your day, when you aren’t aware of the forces working against you.

How bad can it be? Your closest friends talk shit about you? Your girlfriend isn’t actually all that into you? A family member betrayed you? Maybe, maybe not.

I think the worst truths are the small ones. The ones that sneak up on you like little fleas. Maybe you don’t notice the first few, but sooner or later you’re infested.

Someone close to me once told me I need to learn when to hold my tongue. The thing is, I don’t want to. I want to call out those stupid fucking truths–I want to shine a bright ass light on them until those fuckers go blind. Because if they don’t, chances are–I might. I mean… I think that sometimes we smother them for so long, we forget about them for a while. They’re tricky like that. You think they’ve gone away entirely, until you’re laying in bed one night, about to close your eyes from a long day and fucking– bang. They’re back in full swing.

The real question is, what do you do about them? They always seem to pop-up at some point, unavoidable little bastards. Do you really need to confess to your colleague that the sound of their voice at 8am makes the insides of your eyelids throb? Or tell your friend that you’re tired of hearing them complain about the same problems over and over?

I don’t know. Do we have the right to be perfectionists in our relationships? Our friendships? Our day to days? You might say; well there are no perfect relationships. But I raise you that quote that goes something like “no one’s perfect, but someone’s perfect for you?” What if you do find someone great in all aspects except that one? And what if that one is of the ones you can’t really handle? What do you do–rule them out? Do we get to be that picky? Is that the reason for divorce and all other failed relationships?

Somewhere along the way I contracted the idea that to make a relationship work, you just have to choose someone to put the work in with. That it doesn’t really matter, as long as the most basic requirements are met.

I don’t know if I still follow that same line of thinking. Maybe it makes me greedy, but I do want it all. I think we all do.

If I dream about A,B,C,&D and I’ve met people that carry A,E,F,&G, and B,C,H&I, and even B,C,D,&J, surely I can find the A,B,C,&D, right? Or should I just be thankful and count my blessings for the B,C,D,&J? I’m sure some people only ever find the A,E,F,&G, and choose to marry that person. So, maybe in that case, I am greedy. But I’ve just always been an all in type of person (though I’m trying to be more accepting of nuance.)

I think we deserve the A,B,C,&D. Maybe we find someone that has A,B,C,D,E&F- and we don’t really LOVE the E and F. I think that’s when you meet them half-way. I think that’s when you learn how to compromise. But I think we deserve the A,B,C,&D. And I think to stop looking, to settle for only one or half of the qualities you dream about, I think that’s cheating. I think it’s jumping the gun. I think it’s making the wrong puzzle piece fit–I think it’s a lie and that if you ignore it, it’ll become an ugly truth you’ll have to face eventually.